Charmeded: The Musical
by kaytee83
Summary: The LAST scene of the musical guys! Can you believe, it's actually finished? I can't *cries*. A heartwarming finale for the Charmeded Ones. Weird rhyming scheme and Paige's car - ew! Enjoy... for the last time... THIS TIME: We Are All So Charmed...ed!
1. A Twist Of Hell

A/N: Guys you have NO idea what I went through to bring you this, and it's taken ages, been "long and arduous" and very boring and precision. As if you care! I now present to you…

CHARMEDED: THE MUSICAL

SCENE ONE: A TWIST OF HELL.

INT. ONE 'F*CK-OFF PINK MANSION'. DAY. PIPER AND PHOEBE ARE IN THE KITCHEN. PIPER IS SITTING AT THE TABLE WITH A SLICE OF TOAST, PHOEBE IS PRETTY MUCH POTTERING ABOUT DOING... NOT MUCH. THEN MUSIC STARTS, IT'S VERY JAZZY AND SWING-STYLE... AND THEY BEGIN TO SING.

PHOEBE: Do you want some coffee?

PIPER:    Only if it's banoffee

PHOEBE: With a little toffee

BOTH:     And a twist of hell!

PIPER:     I could do with some wine.

PHOEBE: It's eight AM you swine!

PIPER:    Hey - it's fine

BOTH:    With a twist of hell!

THEY BOTH BEGIN DANCING LIKE IDIOTS, THEN GET TO THE CHORUS.

BOTH:    Cos a twist of hell is all very well

              And we can always tell

PHOEBE: Into our lives it brings excitement

PIPER LOOKS SCARED FOR THIS LINE:

PIPER:    Maybe even a little frightment

BOTH:    Consequential, evidential

PHOEBE: Damn I'm sexual

PIPER STARES AT PHOEBE.

PHOEBE: Instrumental?

THEY BEGIN DANCING LIKE BUFFOONS AGAIN FOR THE BIG TRUMPET SOLO.

BOTH:     We need a little fun

               To brighten up our lifeless lives

              Give us a little fun        

PIPER LOOKS AT HER WEDDING RING.

PIPER:      Instead of being lifeless wives

BOTH:      That's why we love a twiiiist - of - hellllllllll

THE INSTRUMENTS CONTINUE. COLE SHIMMERS IN. THE JAZZY LITTLE NUMBER THEY WERE SINGING CHANGES INTO AN ACOUSTIC GUITAR SONG.

COLE:     Did someone say hell?

THEY NOD.

COLE:     That's all very well

              But news is there's a new demon in town.

PAUSE.

PHOEBE: Piper - don't frown!

COLE IS ABOUT TO EXPLAIN BUT PAIGE ENTERS, SLAMMING THE DOOR INTO COLE WHO GETS STUCK BEHIND IT. THE STYLE OF MUSIC CHANGES BACK TO THE COOL JAZZY CHOON PIPER AND PHOEBE WERE DOING.

PAIGE:   Does anybody have anything red, to emphasise my stoopid hair and my stoopid head?

             I'll steal your Book Of Shadows - throw it out your windows

PIPER:   Then you'll wish you really were dead!

PIPER GRABS A KNIFE. PAIGE ORBS A KNIFE INTO HER HAND. THEY BEGIN TO DANCE A KNIFE FIGHT. PIPER LUNGES AND:

PAIGE:   Ha! You missed me!

PIPER:   Only cos I dissed thee

PAUSE.

PHOEBE: A hee hee!

PAIGE:   You're being mean!

COLE AND PHOEBE: What's going on here why do we all rhyme?

PAIGE AND PIPER:   I don't know but is it really a crime?

PHOEBE:                  Piper don't whine!

PAIGE:                                                 I think I like slime!

ALL:                         And a twiiiiiist - of - helllllllllllll!

THE SONG FINISHES. THEY ALL LOOK AT EACH OTHER, THEN WALK AWAY IN SEPARATE DIRECTIONS.

ROLL CREDITS.


	2. Comparing Part One

CHARMEDED: THE MUSICAL

SCENE TWO: COMPARING PART 1

INT. MANOR - DAY. THE ENTIRE CAST IS SITTING AROUND THE KITCHEN TABLE. COLE AND PHOEBE, PIPER AND LEO, AND LAST AND DEFINITELY LEAST, PAIGE. THERE IS A LONG SILENCE. THEY ALL STARE AT EACH OTHER.

COLE: So...

PAIGE: So.

PAUSE.

PHOEBE: What the hell was that singing all about?

SUDDENLY THERE IS AN EXPLOSION OF CHATTER AS EVERYONE RECALLS THE SONG.

PIPER: Seriously Leo, it was awful.

LEO: Actually, I quite enjoyed it. I was up there, remember. Watching?

PAIGE: Oh. Hey, do you think I could ever go 'up there'? Since I'm half and half?

PIPER: I've said it once and I'll say it again - outcast.

PAIGE: I thought you called me a half-cast.

PIPER: Whatever.

LEO: ANYway, as it happens, up there they have no idea what's going on. 

COLE: Doesn't seem to be causing much harm though.

PHOEBE: You can talk - at least you can sing!

PIPER: Yeah - imagine if Phoebe ever tried to release an album.

COLE: Imagine she released five!

ALL LAUGH, THEN AN UNCOMFORTABLE SILENCE FALLS OVER THEM AS THEY REALISE THE HORRIBLE TRUTH.

PHOEBE: Okay. Anyway. So you think this singing, dancing stuff is safe?

PAIGE: You know, I kinda liked it!

PIPER: Yeah, but you're an idium and we have to make allowances for you.

PAIGE: (shouting) Why? Why do you have to make allowances? Is it... is it because I'm not Prue?

SILENCE FALLS. PAIGE BEGINS TO SING. OH DEAR GOD NO. PS - THIS COMPARING SONG, I THINK, IS ONE OF MANY!

PAIGE:   Comparing, contrasting, can't you see

              I'm not anybody apart from me

              I understand you lost someone you love very much

              But because she's not here I won't be your crutch

              Maybe you should consider the pressure I'm under

PIPER:    Shut up!

PAIGE:                        Hey - you stole my thunder!

PIPER:    Our amazing sister no longer is heard

PHOEBE: Instead we've got a bug-eyed, pasty-faced retard!

PIPER:    Good rhyme, idium.

PHOEBE:                               Least I can make my lover c*m!

EVERYONE'S JAW DROPS.

LEO: Phoebe! That was confidential!

UM... I DIDN'T WANT TO KNOW THAT... BACK ONTO THE SONG, YES?

COLE:    Guys let's take this down a step

             We're all grown-ups, let's all just check

             We're not getting mad, and accusing at will

             The third Charmeded One's role Paige has to fill

PAIGE:   So let me do my duty, please

             I'll try to do my best

             I know I'm not the bee's knees

PHOEBE: I have a hairy chest!

PAUSE.

COLE: I'd say so if it wasn't true.

ALL LOOK LIKE THEY'RE ABOUT TO BE SICK. THE SONG ENDS ON THIS NOTE.

PIPER: Well, I guess you are a bit like Prue.

PAIGE: Yeah? In what way?

PIPER: We spend all our time taking the piss out of you.

PAIGE: Oh...

PIPER: Except, of course, with Prue it was always in a caring way.

PAIGE: (shouting) God damn! That's it! I'm outta here!

PIPER: No I'm outta here!

BOTH PAIGE AND PIPER TRY TO STORM OUT, BUT GET JAMMED TOGETHER IN THE DOORWAY. THEY SPEND A WHILE STRUGGLING, BEFORE LEO AND COLE HAVE TO LEVER THEM OUT WITH BIG STICKS. THEY LEAVE. THERE'S A PAUSE AS THE THREE REMAINING DOODS LOOKS AT EACH OTHER.

PHOEBE: Threesome

COLE AND LEO LOOK AT EACH OTHER.

BOTH: Yeah!

COLE: Me and Leo first!

COLE AND LEO EXIT, GIGGLING LIKE SCHOOLGIRLS.

PHOEBE: Oh... kay.

SHE EXITS.

Next song's a gem, folks.


	3. Why Can't We Just Talk?

CHARMEDED: THE MUSICAL

SCENE THREE: WHY CAN'T WE JUST TALK?

INT. P3. PIPER AND LEO ARE WORKING BEHIND THE BAR. PIPER IS AT THE CASH MACHINE. 

PIPER: Okay, so that's the change in the register. What else?

LEO: Think that's it honey.

PIPER CHECKS HER WATCH.

PIPER: And not a moment too soon. 

LEO: Well, we still have time to...

HE TAKES HER IN HIS ARMS.

PIPER: Oh we do, do we?

LEO GRINS LIKE A MANIAC. PIPER PULLS OUT OF HIS ARMS. SHE BEGINS TO SING.

PIPER: Could I be happier with this life, this man of mine?

SHE TURNS TO HIM AND FAKE SMILES.

PIPER: Do I always have to pretend to him that I'm feeling fine?

SHE TURNS AWAY.

PIPER: Though I never voice it, I thought he maybe could tell

          The smile upon my face makes me feel like I'm in hell...

SHE WALKS INTO THE OFFICE. LEO WATCHES HER.

LEO:    Something's not quite right with her I know that I know

           But why won't she tell me, talk to me, or at least show

HE BEGINS TO STACK GLASSES.

LEO:    I don't know what to do, to make her talk to me

          Maybe it's cos of Prue, the 'brand new power of three'?

HE SIGHS. THEN A DETERMINED LOOK CROSSES HIS FACE AND HE MARCHES THROUGH TO PIPER'S OFFICE.

LEO:     What's up?

PIPER:                        Nothing.

LEO:     Come on, Piper, you're lying.

            I can tell that you've been crying

            Yourself to sleep at night.

PIPER: I'm fine

LEO:                       You're bluffing.

PIPER: I'm standing here and sighing

           You'd think that I was dying

           Not that bad a sight.

BOTH: In guarded secrets

          We hide the truth that will not unfold

LEO:    Is she going with another guy?

PIPER: Will he ever guess I wanna cry?

BOTH:  Why can't we just talk?       

PIPER WALKS BACK INTO THE MAIN CLUB. LEO FOLLOWS HER.

PIPER: It used to be so easy, to lay in bed and chat

           He'd make me feel so special and tell me I wasn't fat

           But lately it seems we've lost the magic

           Something's happened to make this tragic

LEO:    It used to be so easy to talk and talk all night

           Til the morning daylight brought our love to a height

           Of frenzied passion, passion, that you cannot withold

           Touching, holding, loving then my soul was sold

BOTH BEGIN TO WALTZ.

BOTH:  I know, I know I love you

           So why is it so hard?

PIPER: Maybe I just am feeling down.

LEO:    How can I unfrown her frown?

PIPER: It seems that everything on his mind is sex

          Like he wants to see me naked to get his kicks-

LEO LOOKS AT HER.

LEO: Well duh.

THEY RESUME THE SONG.

LEO:    She never seems to want to... you know what I mean

           So under that outfit is a sight unseen

PIPER: He's so one-track-minded

LEO:    But I'm always feeling blinded

           By the beauty you withold

           And now my soul is sold

           To you

PIPER: Is that really true?

LEO:    I said I do!

PIPER: It remains to be prooved.

LEO:    You love me too.

PIPER: You know that is true.

LEO:    So what's the big deal - how do you feel?

THEY STOP SINGING. PIPER LOOKS REALLY UNCOMFORTABLE, SIGHS, TAKES A DEEP BREATH AND OPENS HER MOUTH.

PIPER: You've got a really small-

CUT TO:

EXT. P3. NIGHT. WE HEAR LEO'S SCREAM ECHO THROUGH ALL THE STREETS, FOLLOWED BY PIPER'S ATTEMPT TO CALM HIM DOWN:

PIPER(OS): Honey! You said you wanted to know!

A hehehehehehe oh the maturity of me…


	4. Personality Swap/Comparing Part Two

SCENE FOUR: PERSONALITY SWAP/COMPARING PART 2

PHOEBE AND PAIGE ARE CHUGGING DOWN BEER IN THE KITCHEN WHEN PIPER ENTERS.

PIPER: You two! Don't be so childish and ridiculous!

PHOEBE: Man I remember the good old days when you'd have joined in rather than shout at us like Prue did.

PIPER: What're you trying to say?

PAIGE: I have ears!

PHOEBE: It's just... since... Prue died, and Paige came along... it seems like... you've changed. It's like, it's like you're trying to fill Prue's shoes, like you're trying to compensate for her not being here by, well, being her!

PIPER: Please. Like I'm the only one. We need a Prue, so I have to be her. Then we need a Piper, so you fill in for her. Which leaves the role of Phoebe, for...

BOTH LOOK AT PAIGE WHO IS EATING PEANUT BUTTER FROM A JAR WITH HER FINGERS. PIPER BEGINS TO SING.

PIPER:    I remember a time when I used to be so fun

             Always cracking jokes and not a bitch

             But now it seems I've totally changed

             The only thing the same is my beautiful face

             And all cos of that stoopid brand new witch

PAIGE LOOKS UP, HEARING HER NAME (I TAKE IT THE WORDS 'STOOPID' AND 'PAIGE' SOUND THE SAME TO HER THEN).

PHOEBE: I remember a time when I used to be so free

              Always being dumb and such a laugh

              But now it seems I'm serious

              And not a screw-up all because

              Of that stoopid, stoopid, stoopid brand new witch!

PAIGE:    Phoebe, I can't help it if I stole your role from you

              And now you've taken Piper's too

              And poor old panpipes - what a shame

              Will she ever be the same?

              Cos all she does is act like darling Prue!

ALL:        I guess it's but a reversal of roles

              A personality swap

              An SOS - save our souls!

PHOEBE: Sometimes I like to shop.

PIPER:     Why did she have to come along and make everybody hate me?

PHOEBE: Why did she have to come along and steal my personality?

PAIGE:    Why did I have to come along and be compared to Prue...

PIPER:     Paige, you ass, we weren't comparing!

PHOEBE:  I really wish you'd go away sailing.

               And stay out of our hair-

PAIGE:    You two just don't care!

LEO ORBS IN.

LEO:       Girls you gotta stop this stoopid fighting

             You're sisters now and it's in writing

HE HOLDS UP A PIECE OF PAPER WHICH SAYS "PAIGE = HALLIWELL"

LEO:       So you may as well get used to it

             Sure to look at she doesn't fit

             But someway somehow she's just like you

              She's got dark hair, is short and-

PAIGE:                                                       Isn't Prue...

PIPER:     I wish you'd stop bringing her up

              We're not comparing - it's you!

PHOEBE: Nobody talks about

PIPER:    We all stay quiet about

PAIGE:   Why do you compare me to

ALL:       Prue!

PAUSE.

PIPER: Guys, this song stinks. 

PHOEBE: Yeah...

LEO: And why did it start out as a song about how your personalities have changed but ended up as a big Comparing Song for Paige?

LEO ORBS OUT.

PHOEBE: Guess it's been a whole two scenes since her last one!

PAIGE: La la la idium. I can't help it. All you ever do is compare me to Prue!

PIPER: (angry) When? When was the last time we compared you? It never happens! We bitch about you but we hardly ever compare you to Prue! It's all in your god damn balloon-shaped head!

PAIGE: Not true - there was that time when... um, when...

SILENCE. PIPER TRIES BLOW UP PAIGE BUT MISSES AND HITS THE GRANDFATHER CLOCK INSTEAD.

PHOEBE: Man we just got that repaired!

PAIGE: See? You just compared me to Prue right now!

PHOEBE AND PIPER STARE.

PHOEBE: Where's Cole?

PIPER: Where's Leo?

PAIGE: Where's...

PAUSE.

PAIGE: Nothing...

SHE RUNS OUT CRYING. PIPER AND PHOEBE LOOK AT EACH OTHER, SHRUG.

Comparo-tastic

Next scene is KT's official "one of the best thumbs up award" scenes!


	5. Secrets And Guys

CHARMEDED: THE MUSICAL

SCENE FIVE: SECRETS AND GUYS.

INT. PHOEBE'S BEDROOM (PHOEBE HAS A BEDROOM?) - NIGHT. COLE IS SITTING ON THE BED ALONE. HE IS CLEARLY BORED. HE LIES ON THE BED, TRYING TO GET COMFORTABLE, BUT CAN'T. HE PICKS UP PHOEBE'S DIARY AND FLICKS THROUGH IT, BUT NOTHING INTERESTS HIM. HE SIGHS. HE RUMMAGES THROUGH PHOEBE'S DRAWERS AND PULLS OUT A BOX OF CONDOMS WITH A GRIN. MUSIC STARTS. IT IS VERY DISNEYESQUE. HE BEGINS TO SING.

COLE: Here I am in the bedroom, waiting for you to arrive

          Wishing the hours away, until you show

          Whenever you're with me honey, I feel so alive

          Perhaps you really ought to know.

HE WANDERS ABOUT.

COLE: I try to relax, but alone I'm uneasy

          Trying to amuse myself without feeling sad

          Just waiting for you makes me feel queasy

          But as soon as you arrive I feel glad.

HE LIES ON THE BED AND KICKS OFF HIS SHOES.

COLE: So I kick back, and lie

          I know I can't deny

          The wonderful things you give to me

          The warmth of your touch

          Your fingers are too much

          I couldn't be more happy or free.            

HE LOOKS OUT THE WINDOW.

COLE: So where are you right now, while I'm all alone

          In the bedroom, staring at the sky

          Tension's rising my seed needs to be sown

          The wind for me is heaving a great sigh.

HE SIGHS.

COLE: Come on out of the shadows, baby.

          Show to me the moonlight in your eyes

          Whisper to me that maybe, maybe

          Love has struck in your skies.

HE PICKS UP A PHOTO OF HIMSELF AND PHOEBE.

COLE: So I'll kick back, and wait

          Being together is our fate

          And not just a misguided tale.

          Being inside you

          Is only half the things we do

          My heart is no longer for sale

          Because it's yours...

LEO ORBS IN. COLE TURNS TO HIM. THE MUSIC IS STILL RUNNING, BUT IT'S THE OUTRO.

COLE: I thought you weren't going to make it.

LEO: For you, always.

LEO CUPS COLE'S FACE IN HIS HANDS AND PLACES A KISS ON HIS LIPS.

COLE: I love you.

LEO SMILES AND PUSHES COLE ONTO THE BED.

CUT TO:

KITCHEN. PAIGE IS ALONE. THE PHONE RINGS. 

PAIGE: Piper? Phoebe? Phone!

NO ANSWER. IT'S STILL RINGING. UNCERTAINLY, PAIGE ANSWERS IT.

PAIGE: Um, hello?

PHONE: Is that... Paige? Paige Matthews stroke Halliwell?

PAIGE: Yes. Who is this?

PHONE: I have to talk to you. It's urgent. Meet me in the mausoleum ASAP. Piper and Phoebe are already here. I have them hostage.

THE LINE GOES DEAD. 

PAIGE: Oh, bugger.

SHE GRABS HER COAT AND RUNS OUT THE HOUSE. SFX: PAIGE'S CAR PULLING OUT OF THE DRIVEWAY. PIPER AND PHOEBE WALK INTO THE HALL FROM THE LIVING ROOM.

PIPER: Where's she off to in such a hurry?

PHOEBE: I dunno. Do you know where Cole is?

PIPER: Sorry, I don't know where Leo is either.

PHOEBE: You do know I said Cole, not Leo, right?

PIPER BITCH-SLAPS PHOEBE. GOOD ON YA!

Next scene: You'll love it.


	6. Accuse

CHARMEDED: THE MUSICAL

SCENE SIX: ACCUSE.

INT. MAUSOLEUM - NIGHT. PAIGE ENTERS. SHE HAS NO IDEA WHO SHE'S SUPPOSED TO MEET. SHE WALKS ABOUT, LOOKING FOR ANY SIGNS OF DANGER, EYES WHITE. 

PAIGE: Uh, hello?

WE WATCH HER FROM BEHIND. SOMEBODY STEPS IN FRONT OF THE CAMERA. A WOMAN. SHE'S LOOKING AT PAIGE SO WE CAN'T TELL WHO IT IS. SHE BEGINS TO SING.

WOMAN: Paige on this family you've brought disgrace.

             With your stoopid hair and your stoopid pasty face.

PAIGE LOOKS AT HER, AND SHE IS HELLA SHOCKED. HER MOUTH FALLS OPEN. (MAKES YOU WANNA KNOW WHO IT IS, EH?)

WOMAN: The dent in your chin and your bug-eyes define

THE WOMAN WALKS AWAY, THEN LOOKS OVER HER SHOULDER, REVEALING HER IDENTITY! YEEHAA! IT'S PRUE!!!

PRUE:    How the role of sister should really be mine!

THE MUSIC STARTS AND IT'S HEAVY ROCK, A LITTLE BIT METAL. PAIGE HAS NOW RECOVERED FROM THE SHOCK OF SEEING PRUE. 

PAIGE: Prue?

PRUE: How could you tell?

PAIGE: Oh my God.

ASTRAL PRUE APPEARS.

ASTRAL: Yes? You rang?

PAIGE LOOKS VERY CONFUSED. PRUE LOOKS PISSED OFF. ASTRAL PRUE DISAPPEARS.

PRUE: Yeah. Oh, and you're on my turf. I'm back and I'm Charmed. Again. Ha! Geddit? Charmed again?

SHE REALISES THAT JOKE WAS A) TERRIBLE AND B) LOST ON PAIGE.

PRUE: So bugger off, I'm the completion of the Power of Three now.

PAIGE PICKS UP THE SONG WHERE THEY LEFT OFF.

PAIGE: Ha! I'd like to see you try, 

           Cos then you'd have to explain why,

           Can't you get it into your ugly head,

           Piper and Phoebe both think you're dead!

PRUE REALISES THIS IS TRUE, AND TAKES HER ANGER OUT ON PAIGE. SHE JUMPS ON TOP OF THAT BIG COFFIN-TYPE-THING THAT'S IN THE MIDDLE OF THE MAUSOLEUM FLOOR.

PRUE:  Zounds! Confound you! How dare thee

           Imply my sisters would get mad at me?

PAIGE: They love me-

PRUE:  They love ME!

            I'll cut your throat!

PAIGE:  I'd like to see you try, you smelly old goat!

PRUE TK'S PAIGE TOWARDS THE WALL, BUT PAIGE ORBS OUT BEFORE SHE HITS IT. PRUE LOOKS INCREDIBLY CONFUSED. PAIGE ORBS IN BEHIND PRUE. THEY STOP SINGING.

PRUE: Where did she go?

PAIGE: Right here. Lamp.

A LAMP MATERIALISES IN PAIGE'S HAND AND SHE BOPS PRUE ON THE HEAD WITH IT.

PRUE: Owie! Where'd that come from?

PAIGE SHRUGS STOOPIDLY AND PRUE IS SUDDENLY BOMBARDED WITH HUNDREDS OF LAMPS.

PRUE: What is it with you and lamps! Do you throw anything else?

PAIGE: ... No.

PRUE: I paid good money for those!

PAIGE: No you didn't. You stole them from Bucklands!

PRUE: Borrowed, okay? I borrowed them.

PAIGE: Whatever.

PRUE BEGINS TO SING.

PRUE:  When I died and watched from heaven

           My sisters win your trust

PAIGE: I love S Club 7

           Tina is the worst!

PRUE: Don't interrupt!

SINGS.

PRUE:   Seeing you get to know them

            It hurt me more than you could imagine

            I'd never get to know when,

            Or if I'd ever see them again.

            I thought I'd break the chain.

            So I cast a little spell

            It was called 'personal gain'

            The consequence, I'd go to hell.

PAIGE IS SHOCKED BY PRUE'S SACRIFICE TO SEE HER SISTERS AGAIN.

PRUE:  But I found a way out!

            I'd have to sing and shout.

            Well maybe not shout, but definitely sing

            Seems if I sing I win

PAIGE: Not sure if I'm following...

THEY STOP SINGING. PRUE GOES INTO 'BIG MENTAL HELLA LONG EXPLANATION SPEECH' MODE.

PRUE: Paige, you dumbass on a stick. As long as there's music when I'm down here on Earth, as long as people are singing and dancing, then when I leave Earth heaven will be open for me. Because in bringing music to everyone's lives, I'm bringing joy. And that makes me so good heaven's begging me to return! They said I was like Jesus or something! And, being as great as I am, I'm inclined to agree. After all, Astral Prue is god.

ASTRAL PRUE APPEARS.

ASTRAL: You rang?

PRUE: Go away!

ASTRAL PRUE DISAPPEARS. PAIGE IS ASTONISHED.

PRUE: So basically, I've done such a good deed by coming here and making everyone happy, I can do anything I want down here cos my return to heaven is a dead cert.

PRUE KICKS PAIGE IN THE TEETH.

PRUE: Huh. Never knew my leg went up that high.

PRUE STARTS TO LEAVE.

PAIGE: Woah, woah, woah. You mean, you're back?

PRUE: For the time being, yes.

PAIGE: I can't believe it. I'll finally get to know the sister I never met.

PRUE: How about I say no. You stole the Book Of Shadows! Bender!

PRUE EXITS. PAIGE FOLLOWS HER.

CUT TO:

EXT. GRAVEYARD. NIGHT. PRUE IS STORMING AWAY AND PAIGE IS TRYING TO KEEP UP. SUDDENLY PRUE STOPS, PAIGE CRASHES INTO HER.

PAIGE: What are you doing?

PRUE: Shut up, doofus.

PAIGE FOLLOWS PRUE'S GAZE AND WE SEE BUFFY WANDERING ABOUT! NOT ONLY THAT, BUT SHE'S SINGING!

BUFFY: Every single night, the same arrangements

            I go out and fight the fight

            Still I always feel the strange estrangements

            Nothing here is real - nothing here is right.

PRUE: Uh, Buffy?

BUFFY: I've been making shows of trading blows

            Hoping no one knows

            I've been going through the-

PRUE: Wrong musical, dumbass!          

BUFFY: Oh. Sorry.

BUFFY PUNCHES PRUE AND PAIGE SEVERAL TIMES AND RUNS AWAY YODELLING. THEN SHE COMES BACK.

BUFFY: Hey - you're Prue Halliwell, aren't you?

PRUE: Why yes I am!

BUFFY: I see you're back from the dead.

PRUE: Why yes I am!

BUFFY: Isn't it neato?

BUFFY RUNS AWAY YODELLING AGAIN. PAUSE.

PRUE: Neato?

PAIGE: Can't believe you know Buffy.

PRUE: Oh yeah? We go way back. I'm pipped to be a vampire queen in Sunnydale soon. Though it looks like you'd be suited more to the role. I mean, do you even have a reflection?

PAIGE: I guess, I guess maybe you are more cut out for this than me, huh?

PRUE: That's what I've been trying to tell you.

PRUE BEGINS TO SING.

PRUE: You see, Paige, you know I'm right

          There's no point in you fighting this fight

          Prue's back and she's all the rage!

          "The Queen of them all" I believe the song plays!

STOP SINGING.

PAIGE: There's no such song!

PRUE: Oh, well I guess you don't have psychic powers like I do! If we'd care to orb back to the manor, maybe I can show you.

THEY ORB OUT. THEN PRUE ORBS BACK IN, PICKS UP A HALF-EATEN BURGER FROM THE GROUND, TAKES A BITE THEN ORBS OUT AGAIN.


	7. Brothel 1329

A/N: Originally I did actually have the Prue Song here, but I made this replacement up on the spot just cos I thought it was better.

A/N: Thanks to Olly for the Brothel 1329 inspiration!

A/N: *threatening voice* And I want double reviews from all of you or you going dahnnnnnn! BAM!

CHARMEDED: THE MUSICAL

SCENE SEVEN: BROTHEL 1329

INT. MANOR - NIGHT. LIVING ROOM. PIPER, PHOEBE, COLE AND LEO ARE SITTING ABOUT. PAIGE AND PRUE ORB INTO THE MIDST, BUT NOBODY SEES THEM.

PRUE: I've cloaked us, cos it'd shock them too much if I just appeared.

PAIGE: Yeah, make them be sick!

PRUE: Shut it, buggy!

PAIGE: So where's this Prue song?

PRUE LOOKS UNCOMFORTABLE.

PRUE: I'm sure it's coming...

RANDOMLY PHOEBE BEGINS TO SING. WELL WHOOP-DI-DOO.

PHOEBE: Paige oh Paige oh Paiiiiiiige...

PAIGE SMIRKS AT PRUE, WHO IS BEWILDERED.

PAIGE: Looks like it's my turn to be lubbed.

PHOEBE: Paige you randomly left the house

              You didn't tell us where you were going

              Sneaking off like a pasty little mouse

              Giving us a chance to get on with some ho-ing...

LOTS OF GUYS RANDOMLY ENTER AND START SINGING.

ALL:       Cos that's what's at Brothel 1329!

             Come and sing and dance and drink barrells of wine

             Then take your pick of the lovely ho's three...

             Piper, Phoebe and that great one Patty...

PATTY ENTERS LAVISHLY, WEARING CLOTHES SKIMPIER THAN PHOEBE! PAIGE'S JAW DROPS. PRUE STARTS LAUGHING.

PRUE: Your chance to shine huh? This is better than the Prue song!

PIPER:   Everybody's happy at Brother 1329!

             Never a sad face here all along the line

GUY1:    Whenever I leave here I'm always feeling fine-

LEO:      But that's usually after he's escaped from Phoebe!

PATTY:   I run a great business here at Brothel 1329

             Me and my kids who never ever whine!

COLE:    And you have such happy customers and don't care about the consequences...

PATTY:  Consequences, shmonsiquences I only get knocked up!

THEN ALL OF THE OTHER HALLIWELL KIDS ENTER. THERE'S ABOUT 15 GIRLS, WHO ALL RESEMBLE THE ORIGINAL ONES.

ALL:      Take your pick, take your pick...

            There's Prina, Poppy, Price and Patrice,

            Polyester, Pashimester, Proo and Percise,

            Not forgetting Pyeper and Payj and Pheebee,

            And Pennay and Pattay and little Patrie!

PIPER:  What about us originals?

            Sure I may be married but work just calls!

SHE POINTS TO SOME MEN.

PIPER:  I'll take you and you and you tonight

            Then some time for Leo if I can manage it alright

EVERYBODY STARTS BEING ALL HO-ISH AND SLUTTY. PRUE AND PAIGE LOOK SICKENED AND/OR JEALOUS.

ALL:      Cos that's what's here at Brother 1329

            Everybody's happy and the service is so fine!

            Don't be sad or lonely too

            Even though our favourite ho is dead... Prue...

WE SEE FROM PHOEBE'S POV (POINT OF VIEW, IDIUMS): PAIGE AND PRUE SUDDENLY APPEAR FROM NOWHERE.

PRUE: No she's not!

PHOEBE: Oh my god! Prue!

EVERYONE IS TOTALLY SHOCKED, THEN BEGIN TO CLAMOUR AROUND HER.

PRUE: Alright, alright! There's plenty of Prue for all! Outta my way, Paigeboy!

PRUE SHOVES PAIGE AWAY.

PAIGE: Sheesh way to make me feel good.

PAIGE ORBS OUT.

GUY1: Prue I lubb you!

PRUE: And I think you're okay, Guy1!


	8. Comparing Part Two

CHARMEDED: THE MUSICAL

SCENE SEVEN: COMPARING PART THREE

INT. ATTIC. PAIGE ENTERS. SHE LOOKS HELLA DEPRESSED N STUFF. SHE WANDERS OVER TO THE BOOK OF SHADOWS AND FLIPS THROUGH IT, THOROUGHLY (I HAVE NOOO IDEA HOW TO SPELL THAT WORD) NOT HAPPY. SHE MAKES ONE OF THOSE STOOPID PAIGE FACES SHE DOES. AND BEGINS TO SING.

PAIGE:  Is this it?

            Is this me?

            Is this who I'm s'posed to be?

            Is this my life?

            Is this my 'calling'?

            Is this even reality?

SHE PICKS UP THE BOOK OF SHADOWS.

PAIGE:  Sure, it was fun,

            But I'm kinda done

            And then she walks back in.

            That's when I see

            I want this me

            But it's too late to sink in.

SHE HOLDS THE BOOK OUT OF THE WINDOW.

PAIGE:  Maybe I should let go, forget this life

            Throw it all away

SHE DROPS THE BOOK OUT OF THE WINDOW. AGAIN!?! BITCH!!

PAIGE:  They wanted me to be Prue, and God I tried!

            What else can I say?

SHE TKORBS THE BOOK BACK INTO HER HAND.

PAIGE:  You can't compare me all the time

            I am a person too!

            You don't care if I live or die!

            As long as I am Prue!

SHE SCREAMS IN RAGE AND JUMPS OUT THE WINDOW. WE FOLLOW HER AS SHE FALLS THROUGH THE AIR. JUST BEFORE SHE HITS THE GROUND, IT SLOWS DOWN MATRIX STYLE.

PAIGE:  I won't satisfy you

            I'll live and stay alive.

SHE ORBS TO THE ROOF OF THE F*CK OFF PINK MANSION. IT'S SUNSET, SO SHE HAS A NICE BACKGROUND TO MAKE UP FOR THE SUPREMO UGLINESS OF HERSELF.

PAIGE:  You got her back, that is true

            And I'm to take the dive.

SHE SHADES HER EYES AND POINTS TO THE HORIZON.

PAIGE:  Is this it?

            Is this me?

            Is this who I'm s'posed to be?

SHE STOPS SINGING. THE MUSIC STOPS.

PAIGE: No. I'm supposed to be Prue.

AND JUST LIKE THAT THE MUSIC STARTS AGAIN!

PAIGE:  Never liked it as a Charmeded One

            Never liked it a sister

            Never liked it as a comparison

            "Prue was better than you at twister"

            Marching strong, I'll hold my own

            There'll be a change in my luck

            They'll come crawling back to me, maybe

            Maybe I should just give up...

SHE SIGHS AND THE MUSIC STOPS.

PAIGE: Why am I always a loser? God? Tell me!

ASTRAL PRUE APPEARS.

ASTRAL: Okay dokey!

A BIRD FLIES OVERHEAD AND CRAPS ON PAIGE. SHE IS NOT AMUSED. I AM!!! ASTRAL PRUE DISAPPEARS. PRUE ORBS ONTO THE ROOF.

PRUE: Hey.

PAIGE: Hey.

PRUE: What're you doing here?

PAIGE: I just... I just needed a break.

PRUE: Huh. Well, they're wondering where you are.

PAIGE: Really?

PRUE: No. 

PAIGE: Oh.

PRUE: You know, Paige, I know they hate you and all, but I kinda think you're okay. Sometimes.

PAIGE: Really?

PRUE ALMOST SAYS NO, BUT DOESN'T.

PRUE: Really.

PAIGE: Well I think you're okay too!

PRUE GIVES PAIGE A STRANGE LOOK.

PRUE: Okay... someone, bats for the other team... Sorry Paige, I - after much experimentation and deliberation - am straight.

PAIGE LOOKS AT HER WITH ONE OF HER STOOPID PAIGE FACES.

PRUE: Come on, let's go.

PRUE ORBS OUT. PAIGE HESITATES, THEN ORBS OUT.

A/N: Don't worry kids - in the next scene this whole thing actually gets a point! Well... sort of...


	9. FInally Something Evil! I mean, besides ...

CHARMEDED: THE MUSICAL

SCENE NINE: FINALLY THERE IS ACTUALLY SOMETHING EVIL! I MEAN BESIDES PAIGE.

INT. KITCHEN. PIPER, PHOEBE AND COLE ARE STANDING ABOUT DOING NOTHING IN PARTICULAR. PRUE AND PAIGE ORB IN.

PIPER: Paige! Oh I missed you!

PHOEBE: Yeah we were so worried!

COLE: I love you!

PAIGE: Prue set you up to say that, didn't she?

ALL LOOK VERY SHIFTY.

PRUE: Um, no, of course not silly!

SUDDENLY LEO ORBS IN.

PIPER: Ahh! Kill it kill it!

LEO: It's me!

PIPER: I stand by what I said before.

PRUE: Hey Leo. How's that... 'problem' you're having (obvious whisper) down below?

LEO: No time for small-

PIPER: Hah! Small is right!

LEO: Shut up! Small TALK! Remember way back in scene one where Cole sang "but news is there's a new demon in town"? Well turns out his line wasn't a filler line-

PIPER: Like most of Phoebe's are.

PHOEBE: A hee hee!

LEO: Yes. But there IS a new demon in town. One who is intent on stopping all the singing and dancing and shenanigans.

PRUE: What? Why?

LEO: Because in doing so, guess who'd get sent to hell? And therefore be subject to being forced to cross onto the side of evil.

PHOEBE: Oh no this is terrible!

ALL LOOK AT PHOEBE.

PIPER: Filler line idium.

PRUE: Turn me evil eh? That has some interesting possiblities...

CUT TO:

PRUE IN THE UNDERWORLD, DRESSED IN THE SOURCE'S ROBES.

PRUE: Demon slaves, get me someone to kill. And find my lubber- I mean, lover.

THEY SHIMMER OUT. SECONDS LATER, A MAN SHIMMERS IN. HE LOOKS VAGUELY FAMILIAR.

PRUE: Hey lubber.

MAN: Hey.

HE GRINS AND PRODUCES A TRAVEL CHESS BOARD FROM BEHIND HIS BACK.

MAN: Wanna play?

PRUE: Oh Lierre, you're so perfect! Why did that knave kill you off?

STEPHANIE18 BLINKS IN AND TURNS TO THE CAMERA.

STEPH: IT WAS TO FURTHER THE PLOT GOD DAMN YOU! KT LET IT GO!

KT SHIMMERS IN.

KT: NEVER!

KT AND STEPH BEGIN TO FIGHT. PRUE AND LIERRE SNUGGLE UP AND WATCH THE FUN.

CUT TO:

BACK AT THE MANOR, PRUE IS AWOKEN FROM HER DAYDREAM BY COLE BABBLING SOME NONSENSE.

COLE: Prue, we talked about this. Being evil is much crapper than being good, especially if you're your kinda good.

PIPER: What? What kind of good is Prue?

PRUE: The kind where I'm SO good that I go back to heaven guaranteed. I can do anything I want down here and still have a little seat being warmed for me 'up there'. Aren't I cool?

PHOEBE: Wow that's amazing!

PIPER: *cough* Filler!

PHOEBE: Stop doing that!

PRUE: Which is not the point.

PRUE PUNCHES PHOEBE.

PRUE: That never gets old...

LEO: So. Anyhoo. Demon.

PIPER: Yeah. How do we kill it?

LEO: Oh you have to say a realllllllllly complicated spell. Uh oh, I'm being called.

HE LOOKS AT COLE POINTEDLY THEN ORBS OUT.

COLE: Yeah, so am I...

PHOEBE: Okay bye sweetie.

COLE SHIMMERS OUT. THERE IS A LONG PAUSE.

PAIGE: Hey since when did Cole 'get called'?

WE HEAR TWO HIGH-PITCHED-YET-DEFINITELY-MANLY SQUEALS FROM UPSTAIRS. PRUE SNICKERS LIKE SHE KNOWS SOMETHING THE OTHERS DON'T. SHE BEGINS DANCING ROUND THEM IN CIRCLES, POINTING AND CHANTING.

PRUE: I know something you don't know! I know something you don't know! I know something you don't know! I know something you don't know! 

PIPER TRIES TO BLOW PRUE UP BUT FREEZES PHOEBE INSTEAD. THEY ALL LOOK AT FROZEN PHOEBE.

PIPER: Well that's different.

PAIGE: Yeah... are those my earrings?

PRUE: Please, Paigeboy. You wear braces! Like anyone would ever borrow anything off you! 

PAIGE: Phoebe did in Womb Raider.

PIPER: Wrong TV show, freakette. This is Charmeded! Or if this was Charmed-O-Rama, Charmed'ed. Or maybe even Charm'ed'ed! 

PRUE: Do you guys think KT does wayyy too much junk?

ALL NOD. PHOEBE UNFEEEZES.

PHOEBE: La la la la la.

SUDDENLY A BIG UGLY DEMON JUMPS INTO THE ROOM.

PRUE: Paige! When did you leave?

DEMON: I'm not Paige!

PAIGE: Way to state the obvious, Demon.

PIPER: Actually... it's not that obvious... Paige you and that demon bear an uncanny resemblance.

AND SURE ENOUGH, THEY DO!

PHOEBE: Yeah, you've both got those googly bug-eyes.

PRUE: The stoopid pasty-white skin.

PIPER: That dent in your chin...

PRUE: Stoopid hair and face and body in general...

PHOEBE: Lollipop-shaped head...

DEMON: Stop it! You're making me feel sick! And I don't have hair!

PRUE: Which makes you the pretty one.

PIPER: You mean the less-ugly one.

PRUE: Right.

DEMON: Proo, I'm gonna make you go to hell.

PAIGE: (pointing) Uh, that one over there is Prue.

DEMON: Oh.

HE LOOKS AT PRUE.

DEMON: What I said to her, but at you.

PHOEBE: Oh my God noooo!

PIPER: (pretends to sneeze) Atch-filler-ooo!

PHOEBE: SHUT UP!!!

PIPER: Sheesh keep your woolly pink hat on!

PRUE: So, demon, how do you propose to do that?

DEMON: By doing this.

HE GOES RIGHT UP TO PHOEBE'S FACE AND SCREAMS.

DEMON: STOP SINGING!!!

PHOEBE: Okay!

HE GOES RIGHT UP INTO PAIGE'S FACE AND SCREAMS.

DEMON: STOP SINGING!!!

PAIGE: Okay.

HE GOES UP TO PIPER.

DEMON: STOP SINGING!

PIPER: Okay.

DEMON: See? It's easy! Then you'll go to hell and be evil and stuff.

PRUE: Jeez Phoebe I knew you were a pushover but come on! And Paige how much of a wuss are you? And Piper, well, you've always just followed the crowd, haven't you? Beeatch. What I'm saying is that you three are a bunch of loser Charmeded Ones, and it totally beats me how you've survived this long. It's obvious we've got to...

PRUE BEGINS TO SING.

PRUE:  Sing this demon to death.

           Kick his ass with our vocal skill.

           Amazing songs that surely will kill

           Oh what a thrill!

PIPER: If that's true do we gotta be good?

           A song so great that he'll disappear - ping!

           In that case Pheebs you better not sing

           Or he'll end up just laughing!

DEMON: So far this song is crap

            I can't be assed with you lot

            Hurry up, I got evil to slap

            Around the place

            And in your face!

OBLIGATORY KEY CHANGE...

PAIGE: We'll sing this demon to death!

            We're pretty great, make a good song

            He'll be vanquished before not long

            And I'll show you my thong.

ALL: Ewwwww!

PHOEBE: So, hey, I've a good idea

             To help us win this thing

THE MUSIC STOPS.

PHOEBE: (shouting) Why don't we just get on with it and stop singing about it and actually do it you freak-faced p'idiums!

SILENCE. PRUE SLAPS PAIGE.

PRUE: Woops. Wrong person I hate.

SHE SLAPS PAIGE AGAIN.

PRUE: Sorry! Did it again!

SHE SLAPS PHOEBE, AND STEPS BACK LOOKING PROUD OF HERSELF.

PIPER: Actually, that's a good point. We have to sing a song so good that the demon of evilness will be vanquished.

PRUE: That sounds familiar...

THE THREE POINT FIVE CHARMEDED ONES RUN AWAY.

DEMON: Now that wasn't very nice!

HE SITS DOWN AND BEGINS CHUCKING ENERGY BALLS AROUND.


	10. An Attempt to Defeat

A/N: Okay I decided to get this bitch on the road so I can force myself to write Charmeded 4 and… well, it's a secret… but it's special, oh how it is. Anyone up for a series 4 build-up or

a) This musical garbage was enough

b) Who even wants series 4? Charmeded stinks!

c) I can't wait for series 4… oh wait – I forgot, you killed Prue last series, that's worse than killing everybody's favourite warlock *glares at Stephanie*

d) All of the above… which doesn't really make sense but I like it that way.

CHARMEDED: THE MUSICAL

SCENE TEN: COLE'S LAMENT, PHOEBE'S SOLO AND AN ATTEMPT TO DEFEAT.

INT. LIVING ROOM. COLE IS SITTING ON THE COUCH WITH HIS FACE RESTING IN HIS HANDS. PHOEBE ENTERS.

PHOEBE: Cole!

COLE STANDS. PHOEBE SCURRIES OVER TO HIM AND HUGS HIM. SHE STEPS BACK AND CUPS HIS... FACE. HE GLANCES AT HER WRIST.

COLE: Where'd that tattoo come from?

PHOEBE LOOKS AT IT AND SHRUGS.

PHOEBE: Is something the matter sweetie?

COLE: I'm okay.

PHOEBE: Come on Cole - I'm not that stoopid.

PAUSE. PHOEBE TAKES OFF HER WOOLLY PINK HAT.

PHOEBE: Okay, wrong word choice. But I can still tell something's-

COLE CUTS HER OFF, SINGING.

COLE: Why won't she just shut the hell up?

           I told her nothing was wrong

          Stupid witch - she's so corrupt

          And she's oblivious to this song!

PHOEBE IS WATCHING INTENTLY, BUT IT'S CLEAR EVERYTHING'S GOING RIGHT OVER HER HEAD.

COLE: If you wanna know the source of my troubles

          Why don't you leave me alone?

          Then I'll be a happier man

          And you'll understand what's wrong.

PHOEBE STILL DOESN'T GET IT.

COLE: It's you, you ass - you piss me off

          Everything you do

          You're a woolly pink idium

          I really want to hit you...

PHOEBE'S FACE IS TOTALLY BLANK. COLE GETS EVEN ANGRIER.

COLE: I give up.

HE STORMS OUT. PHOEBE BEGINS TO SING.

PHOEBE: I guess this would be my solo

             My chance to let it out

             And sing and dance and leap and prance

             What was the song about?

SHE STROKES HER CHIN IN THAT WAY PEOPLE DO WHEN THEY'RE DEEP IN CONTEMPLATION BUT IT'S CLEAR SHE'S NOT THINKING ABOUT ANYTHING IN PARTICULAR. PAIGE ENTERS.

PAIGE: Phoebe, what the hell are you wearing?

PHOEBE: My usual duds!

PAIGE: You're hardly wearing anything! Tramp! Where's your fashion sense?

PHOEBE: This is coming from the girl who wears braces?

PAIGE RUNS OUT IN SHAME. PHOEBE BEGINS TO SING.

PHOEBE: What is it with people dissing my clothes?

             It's not half as annoying as speaking in prose!

             Do you really not like my woolly pink hat?

             My tight crop top - hey Kit the cat!      

KIT RUNS AWAY. PIPER, PRUE AND PAIGE ENTER.

PRUE: Come on loser, we need you.

CUT TO:

INT. ATTIC. THE 3.5 CHARMEDED ONES ENTER. 

PRUE: Okay? Wow you guys must be really happy I came back so I could help you vanquish this demon, huh?

PIPER: Well, considering the demon wouldn't be here if you weren't-

PAIGE: Yes! Prue, you - and I hardly ever say this - are paigeriffic!

PRUE LOOKS LIKE SHE'S ABOUT TO BE SICK.

PHOEBE: Yeah Prue, you totally are!

PRUE: Okay stop it or I'll orb my ass outta here. Like this.

PRUE SHIMMERS AWAY. THEN SHIMMERS BACK IN.

PRUE: I meant to do this.

PRUE ORBS AWAY.

PIPER: Huh. I should care about that, but somehow I don't!

PAIGE: Maybe cos it's Prue.

PIPER: Hey you don't get to make Prue jokes. 

THE DEMON BURSTS IN.

DEMON: Gahhhhhhh!

PHOEBE: Well that's incredibly unattractive. And to think I was gonna give you one!

DEMON: Aw man. I can change!

PIPER: Keep trying, Paigeface.

PAIGE: I do NOT look like that thing!

PIPER: Yeah, we've been over this - you're uglier.

COLE SHIMMERS IN.

COLE: Onto the song...

COLE SHIMMERS OUT.

PHOEBE: Does that mean we're filling up the scene with boring chit-chat?

PIPER: Well there's something new! Phoebe uses the word 'filling' in her situation.

PHOEBE: Khaa!

PIPER: Thaa!

PHOEBE: Khaaaa!

PIPER: Thaaaa!

PHOEBE: Khaaaaaa!

PAIGE: Phraaaaaa!

ALL STARE AT PAIGE.

PIPER: What the heck was that?

PAIGE: Oh I just thought we were making stuff up.

PHOEBE: Idium.

PAUSE. THEY BEGIN TO SING.

PIPER:    Demon, you're gonna die

PHOEBE: You're gonna twist and burn!

PAIGE:   This line rhymes with die!

              And this one rhymes with burn!

PAUSE.

DEMON: Nope.

PAIGE: Damn! Someone must've made up a really bad line.

ALL GLARE AT HER. THEY TRY AGAIN.

PIPER:    So you think you can defeat us?

PHOEBE: We'll send you into hell!

PIPER:    In each other we do trust

PAIGE:   The Charmeded Ones are swell!

PAUSE.

PAIGE: Someone must've mucked it up again!

PIPER PUNCHES PAIGE.

PIPER: Never gets old, that.

THEY TRY AGAIN.

PHOEBE: We three will defeat thee      

  The power is rife

PIPER:    Hand in hand we will demand            

  You give up your life

BOTH:    For you are evil's incarnation  

  Birthed from pain and fearful nation

PAIGE:   Angst and anger follow you

             Doo be doo be doo be doo!

PIPER AND PHOEBE POUNCE ON PAIGE AND BEGINS KICKING HER IN. PRUE ORBS IN AND JOINS THEM IN BEATING THE CRAP OUT OF LITTLE PAIGERIFFIC.

PHOEBE: This is... paigeriffic!

PIPER: It's pheebulous!

PRUE: No. This is... pruetastic.

PHOEBE: It's piper... never mind.

PRUE: Let's stick with pruetastic.

ALL NOD IN AGREEMENT.

DEMON: I'll uh, just be waiting downstairs.

HE EXITS.

PRUE: Hey guys, I just realised something. You know how we've been trying to *sings* sing the demon to death? Well I don't think that's really the way to vanquish it. I mean, I know it's hard but if we just listened to Leo from time to time we'd know that last scene he told us we had to do a reallllllllllly difficult spell.

PAUSE.

PHOEBE: Reallllllllly difficult?

PAUSE.

PIPER: Let's do it then.

ALL RUN DOWN THE STAIRS, RATHER DISENHEARTENED.


	11. The Poor Egg Timer *snif*

A/N: I think this is my favourite scene! And review me up to 100 reviews… the first 100 for me ever! Happy days.

CHARMEDED: THE MUSICAL

SCENE ELEVEN: POINTLESSNESS AIN'T ALL THAT BAD

INT. KITCHEN. PIPER IS MAKING COOKIES. SHE PULLS THE TRAY OUT. PHOEBE SKIPS IN.

PHOEBE: Ooh! Cookies!

SHE REACHES OUT TO TAKE ONE BUT PIPER SLAPS HER HAND.

PIPER: Nuh uh, you little pedal pusher. These cookies are for Prue, as a bribe to get her to stay forever. And ever. I just... I just can't hack you and Paige for the rest of my life, you know?

PHOEBE: Oh, I understand completely. I know I'm crap.

PIPER: You're not mad that I don't like you all that much?

PHOEBE: Nah. As long as I love you more than sisters should, it's cool.

PIPER: Huh. That's sweet.

PIPER BEGINS TO SING.

PIPER:  Sometimes I felt like I couldn't go on

            It was a task to get through the day

            With my little sister twats who I didn't really like

            And the thought that Leo could be gay  

PHOEBE LOOKS AT HER QUESTIONINGLY.

PIPER:  He and Cole spend so much time together

            And I'm not really sure whether

            To believe they're really demon hunting

            'Specially when I hear that heavy grunting-

PHOEBE: Okay! TMI!

PIPER: What's TMI?

PHOEBE: Too Much Information, stoopid! Can't you sing something a little more...

PIPER: ... Phoebe?

PHOEBE: Yeah!

PHOEBE BEGINS TO SING.

PHOEBE: I don't have a job

             I am a yob

             I enjoy men's-

PIPER CLAMPS A HAND OVER PHOEBE'S MOUTH.

PIPER: Okay, TMI as you young 'uns say. I guess we're just too serious or too sick. 

PHOEBE: Well look around. If Bear in the Big Blue House can do it, you can. Just find a random object and open your mouth.

PIPER LOOKS AROUND AND SEES SOMETHING. SHE BEGINS TO SING.

PIPER:   It's so amazing how the egg timer works.

             You set it and then it rings when it's supposed to

             Never ever wrong, it's a cool piece of kit

             And my food always tastes so good!

PHOEBE: You can use it to time the time of cake!

             Or how long it takes for a man in bed

             It can be thrown at a demon, or used in resurrection!

             Or even to place your Book of Shadows on...

COLE ENTERS.

COLE:    It's so amazing how the egg timer works.

             It goes off without fail and so happily

             Always wanting to press those buttons

             When I'm with it I feel so free

LEO ENTERS.

LEO:     You can use it to time the time of blinking

             And consequentially the time of winking

HE WINKS AT COLE.

LEO:    And sometimes when I'm feeling small

            I stand on it and bam! I'm tall!

PAIGE ENTERS.

PAIGE:  It's so amazing how the egg timer works.

            It comes before my life so important

            I'd rather eat than see it hurt

            And we all know how I hate to eat.

PIPER: Amen to that!

PRUE ENTERS.

PRUE:   You can use it to time the time of horses

            Running through their breakneck courses

            And breaking necks, speaking of

            Paige would you come here, my love?

PRUE CHASES PAIGE DURING THE BIG FINALE, TRYING TO GRAB HER NECK.

ALL:     It'sssssssssss so amazing how the egg timer works

            You set it and then it rings when it's supposed to

            Never ever wrong, it's a cool piece of kit

            And we all love it sooooooooooooo!

IN THE FINALE OF THE SONG, THE EGG TIMER GOES OFF, RINGING SHARPLY.

LEO: God shut that thing off!

PAIGE: It makes my ears bleed!

PRUE: Stoopid egg timer...

PIPER BLOWS THE EGG TIMER UP. BAM! BITCH WENT DAHN!

FADE TO:

BLACK.

FADE IN:

INT. HALLWAY. PHOEBE IS ALONE AND STANDING STILL DOING... WELL, NOTHING, REALLY. A PIECE OF PAPER FLUTTERS FROM ABOVE AND LANDS AT HER FEET.

PHOEBE: What's this eh? Some sort of SIGN?

PIPER AND LEO ENTER.

KT(OS): Read it, dumbass.

PAIGE ENTERS.

PAIGE: Did I hear my name?

PHOEBE: (reading) It has been brought to my attention that it has not been confirmed if you actually CAN use an egg timer for the following: resurrection; standing on to make oneself taller; timing blinking and/or winking. However, it surely can be used in: timing men in bed; cake; horses; throwing at demons and/or Paige. Have fun with your egg timer!

PAUSE.

PIPER: We don't have an egg timer anymore...

LEO: Thank god.

ASTRAL PRUE APPEARS.

ASTRAL: No problemo chuck!

ASTRAL PRUE DISAPPEARS. PRUE ENTERS.

PRUE: Will you stop saying that G O D word? You make our great diety Astral Prue astral out and talk to you every time you say it. Which means I fall over and usually crack my head against something hard.

PAIGE: Like Phoebe's skull?

ALL STARE.

PAIGE: Well it's better than saying her nipp...eyes.

PIPER: Ew thank god!

PRUE FAINTS WHILE ASTRAL PRUE APPEARS.

ASTRAL: Just doing my job!

SHE DISAPPEARS AND PRUE GETS UP.

PRUE: Goddamn will you stop dong tha-

PRUE FALLS OVER AND ASTRAL PRUE APPEARS.

ASTRAL: Damn what?

ASTRALS OUT. PRUE WAKES UP.

PRUE: Bugger.

LEO: It's funny cos you made yourself fall over and have blood all over yourself.

PRUE: Shut up! I'm going to get my kerazy boyfriend to steal a necklace and get thrown in jail while I skip town and pretend to be fifteen when I look at least twenty; go for a plane ride in the snow and blow up a snowmobile with a flaregun while wearing a hat with ear flaps; have my boyfriend die in a fire, go into the future and have a kid then come back with the intent on changing my past but failing so fall in lubb with a Cole looky-likey instead; then go to the mall and have sex in an elevator with Brodie. And anyone who's gonna try to stop me can just-

PIPER: God!

PRUE FALLS OVER AND LANDS ON THE GRANDFATHER CLOCK THAT WASN'T EVEN IN THE ROOM AT THE TIME.

PAIGE: Man! We just had that fixed!

PIPER AND PHOEBE GLARE AT HER WHILE ASTRAL PRUE APPEARS.

ASTRAL: Yup?

PIPER: Nothing, she was just pissing me off.

ASTRAL: No problemo, even I was getting annoyed. And don't worry - she hit her head off the clock and'll be out for a while. Will probably need some medical attention. See ya!

ASTRALS OUT. PAUSE.

LEO: Well I'm not gonna heal her!

HE ORBS OUT.

PHOEBE: Yeesh. No one asked him to!

PAIGE: Yeah why would we want anyone to heal Prue?

PIPER AND PHOEBE BEGIN BEATING THE HELL OUT OF PAIGE.


	12. Sing-As-U-Go

CHARMEDED: THE MUSICAL

SCENE TWELVE: SING AS YOU GO!

INT. LIVING ROOM. PHOEBE ENTERS AND STARTS JUMPING ON KIT- I MEAN, THE COUCH. SHE BEGINS TO SING.

PHOEBE: Jumping, jumping la la la!

             Glad I wore this wonder bra!

             Unlike Prue and Paige who never do

             Of course we all like nekkid Prue.

SPEAKING OF THE SORCERESS, PRUE ENTERS, AND TK'S PHOEBE INTO THE WALL.

PRUE:    Sometimes when I saw, my darling sister Phoebe

             I always had the urge to kill the little Freebie.

             Look at her, the ho, unconscious at the wall

             Not knowing how much she sucks at all...

SPEAKING OF HOS, PAIGE ENTERS. 

PAIGE: What're you doing?

PRUE: Singing, dumbass!

PAIGE: Uh... why?

PRUE LOOKS AT PAIGE. POOR PRUE.

PRUE: What're you talking about?

PAIGE: Just wondering why you were singing, that's all!

PRUE: We've been singing for the past twelve scenes! What are you, retarded? This is a musical!

PAIGE LOOKS REALLY UPSET.

PAIGE: (screaming) I told Piper not to tell anyone! Sometimes I can be a bit... not as bright as everyone else, okay? It's not like I'm some sort of dunce - I just have difficulties! Why can't you just leave me alone and stop comparing me to Prue? Waaaaaa!

PAUSE.

PRUE: I... wasn't, you dolt.

PAIGE ORBS OUT.

PRUE: What's up her ass?

PHOEBE WAKES UP.

PHOEBE: What happened?

PRUE: You just had a lesbium encounter with Paige.

PHOEBE: Really? Cool!

PRUE: You're not supposed to like the idea, p'idium!

PRUE TK'S PHOEBE INTO THE ROOF THEN THE FLOOR THEN THE ROOF THEN LETS HER DROP. PHOEBE'S OUT FOR THE COUNT! BAM! BITCH WENT DAHN!

PRUE: Bam! Bitch went dahn!

WHY DOES SHE REPEAT OBVIOUS STUFF? *SIGHS*

PRUE: I'm bored. KT! Make me do something koowell!

KT(OS): Proo! You're not supposed to talk to me! 

PRUE: Were you defying me? The great Queen Prue? Why you little...

SHE RUNS OFF CAMERA AND REAPPEARS CARRYING KT.

PRUE: This is KT everyone. She's going to be in today's... scene! 

KT TRIES TO RUN AWAY BUT PRUE HOLDS HER BACK BY HER HAIR.

KT: Proo! Come on - I don't wanna be on camera!

PRUE TURNS KT ROUND AND PULLS HER CLOSE.

PRUE: (whispered, menacing) You will do what I want and when I want it, okay? I SAID OKAY???

KT: Yes! Yes, okay! Whatever you want Proo, just don't beat me again.

PIPER ENTERS.

PIPER: What's going on?

KT: Piper! Pleh!

PIPER: Huh? Pleh?

KT: Read between the lines you ass! P. L. E. H. Think it backwards!

PRUE: What're you talking about?

PIPER: Who knows? So what's she doing here?

PRUE: I was bored.

PIPER: Ah that's fair enough. Why's Phoebe knocked out?

PRUE: I already told you - I was bored!

PRUE TAKES AWAY KT'S LITTLE SOFT TOY PIGGY WHICH SHE CARRIES ABOUT WITH HER.

KT: Piggy! No!

PRUE: What is this rodent?

KT: Well I think it's obvious from the name and the way it looks that it's a pig! Dumbas-

KT DOESN'T FINISH HER SENTENCE BECAUSE PIPER FREEZES HER. THEN PRUE ASTRAL PROJECTS TO HER AND STARTS KICKING HER, SO SHE UNFREEZES.

KT: Ow! Come on... help! HELP!!!

PIPERS JOINS IN KICKING.

KT: Piper I thought you loved meeeeeee!

PHOEBE WAKES UP.

PHOEBE: *singing destiny's child* Is my body too Phoebelicious for ya babe?

SILENCE. ALL STARE AT PHOEBE.

PHOEBE: What?

KT GETS UP AND BACKS INTO A CORNER, COWERING HER LITTLE HEART OUT. ASTRAL PRUE DISAPPEARS.

KT: Man I wish I had powers... hey - this is my show! I make the rules, bitch! Woo!

SHE LOOKS PROUD AND HAPPY. PAIGE SHIMME- ORBS IN.

KT: I now officially have a power. Wonder what it is...

SHE STARTS TO SING.

KT:      In the f*ck-off pink mansion

            Always plenty of tension!

            But now I really fit in

            Now I don't need pasty skin...

SHE GLARES AT PAIGE AND FLICKS HER HANDS AT HER, THINKING THIS WILL TRIGGER HER POWER TO BE USED ON PAIGE. NOTHING HAPPENS. PAIGE SLAPS HER.

PAIGE:  Bam! Bitch went dahn!

            Now who will wear my crown?

            Oh - I'll wear it, since it's mine!

            See I'm not retarded I can think for myself - praise me - and this is a really long line...

PRUE:   The two of you should really die

            KT I want you to really try

            To use your power

            Within the hour!

KT: Okay, I'm gonna use it! Stand back, this might not be pretty!

PAIGE: Please, we live with Phoebe. We're used to not pretty.

PAIGE GETS SLAPPED BY EVERYONE.

KT: Okay.

KT SUDDENLY FALLS OVER, UNCONSCIOUS. THE CHARMEDED ONES EXAMINE HER.

PIPER: She's out!

PRUE: Cool... nice power. Now she just needs to learn to use it on other people... okay, I'm bored of toying with her now.

PRUE TK'S KT OFF CAMERA.

PRUE: This scene was crap...

PHOEBE: Maybe it was a filler scene?

PIPER BURSTS INTO GIGGLES. PHOEBE GLARES AT HER.

PHOEBE: WHAT???

PIPER: Sorry, sorry.

PAUSE.

PIPER: Heh heh filler.

PHOEBE PUNCHES PIPER WHO FALLS TO THE FLOOR, UNCONSCIOUS.

PAIGE: BAM! Bitch went dahn!

PRUE: How many people have been knocked out in this crappy scene?

PHOEBE SHRUGS. PRUE KNOCKS EVERYONE OUT, THEN BANGS HER HEAD ON A TABLE, SLUMPING TO THE FLOOR.

A/N: In case you were interested, it was 7 times that someone got knocked out in this scene, which is about 5 minutes in their time. Unless I counted wrong, which isn't unlikely. Sorry for the crapness, but as the title suggests, I made it up as I went along and didn't redo anything. 

A/N: Thankee Meagan (I think - if I spelt it wrong or it wasn't you, tell me and I'm very very sorry! But I have a really bad memory) for the word "Phoebelicious" It's ew, but it's koo! Wow what a rhyme...


	13. They're Still Singing!?!?

CHARMEDED: THE MUSICAL

Get ready to clap…

SCENE THIRTEEN: THEY'RE STILL SINGING???

PHOEBE SKIPS THROUGH THE HALL.

PHOEBE: La la la la la.

PRUE ENTERS.

PRUE: Hey Pheebs. What're you singing about now?

PHOEBE STOPS AND STARES AT HER.

PHOEBE: Huh?

PRUE: The song. You were singing. I was wondering what about.

PHOEBE: Huh?

PRUE: Never mind.

PHOEBE: Huh?

PRUE: My GOD sometimes I'm glad I died.

PRUE WALKS AWAY MUTTERING.

PRUE: Don't have to spend time with you idiums anymore...

PRUE EXITS.

PHOEBE: Huh?

PHOEBE SKIPS AFTER PRUE.

CUT TO:

INT. KITCHEN. PRUE AND PIPER ARE HAVING A BIG ARGUEMENT. PHOEBE ENTERS.

PIPER: Well if you're gonna be like that maybe you should just go back up there!

PRUE: Oh, so that's it is it? When I'm here all you can ever do is be a little witch to me, then I die and all of a sudden it's "oh, Prue, why did you leave us I love you, I love you," but now I'm back you're your usual witchy self! Honestly Piper, you are such a little witch, all the time! By the way, in case you're too stoopid to get it, all the times I called you a witch I meant the 'w' to be replaced with a 'b'!

PIPER: What, so now you can't even talk right? Trying to intellectually whup my ass so you can feel big about yourself?

PHOEBE: Uh, guys?

PIPER: Too scared to take me on for real? Cos I'm telling you Prue-

PHOEBE: Guys...

PIPER: I could take you any day!

PRUE: Oh yeah?

PIPER: Oh yeah.

PIPER JUMPS ON PRUE AND BEGINS TO SCRATCH HER EYES OUT. PRUE TK'S PIPER THROUGH THE WALL AND INTO THE GRANDFATHER CLOCK IN THE LIVING ROOM.

PIPER: Dammit! I just had that fixed!

EVERYONE STARES AT HER.

PHOEBE: Sure you did. That clock gets shattered every week. It's impossible to fix it.

PIPER BEGINS TO SING.

PIPER:  Ding dong the clock is gone!

            Never to tick again

            How can I sing a merry song

            Because I know that when

            I'm finished I will cry and cry

            It's clear I cannot fake it

            For the clock had newly died-

PRUE:  Rose McGowan will replace it!

SONG STOPS.

PRUE: B*tch.

PHOEBE ENTERS.

PRUE: When did Phoebe ever leave?

KT(OS): Shut up loser.

PRUE: Why you little...

SHE ROLLS UP HER SLEEVES EVEN THOUGH SHE IS WEARING A SLEEVELESS TOP AND WALKS TOWARDS THE CAMERA. SHE GOES PAST IT, WE HEAR SOUNDS OF A SCUFFLE.

KT(OS): Prue, Prue no! Stop it! Help! Somebody!

PIPER AND PHOEBE ARE JUST WATCHING FROM ON SCREEN. ALL WE SEE IS THEIR HORRIFIED EXPRESSIONS. WE HEAR A THUMP. BOTH PIPER AND PHOEBE WINCE. PIPER MOUTHS THE WORD 'OWIE'. PRUE RE-ENTERS AND DUSTS OFF HER HANDS, EVEN THOUGH THEY'RE NOT DUSTY.

PRUE: Done and done.

ALL LAUGH.

PHOEBE: Anyhoo, I found your spell Prue.

PRUE: The one to vanquish...

SHE LOWERS HER VOICE AND SAYS OBVIOUSLY:

PRUE: Starts with a P and rhymes with diaper?

PIPER: Who, Paige?

PRUE: (sincerely) Yeah.

PHOEBE: No. The realllllllllly complicated spell Leo was talking about.

THEY LOOK AT THE PIECE OF PAPER IN PHOEBE'S HAND. 

PIPER: Woah...

PRUE: No way. There's no way!

AT THAT MOMENT THE DEMON OF EVILNESS ENTERS.

PRUE: Gah! It's the demon!

DEMON: No it's not, it's Paige!

WOOPS... SO IT IS. I'D APOLOGISE BUT I REALLY DONT CARE/DON'T LIKE THE GIRL SO AREN'T SORRY.

PHOEBE: Oh. Well, it was a tough call.

PAIGE: What'cha doin?

PIPER: Lookin at this reallllllllly complicated spell.

PAIGE LOOKS TOO.

PAIGE: Wow. That is... wow.

THE REAL DEMON ENTERS.

DEMON: Rar.

PRUE: Come on guys, we gotta do it.

PIPER: I can't!

PHOEBE: It's too hard! Prue you're just gonna have to go to hell!

PRUE: You're... you're right... it is way too hard... it'll never work... I am destined for hell...

PAUSE.

DEMON: That's it?

PAIGE: Wait. We're just gonna give up? Just like that? You guys! Come on - we're the Charmeded Ones! We're better - we're the Power of Four! The power of four doesn't give up like a bunch of losers just like that - did Alyssa Milano give up when her music career flopped?

PRUE: Yes.

PAIGE: Well... she did sorta... but she bounced back acting more and more in low-budget straight-to-video-animations-sequals, didn't she? And Shannen Doherty, after she left 90210 and was a bum for months on end, did she give up? No! She also bust her gut working on crappy TV-movies! And Holly Marie Combs-

PHOEBE: Who?

PAIGE: Bad example. Okay. Did Prue give up when she was trying to kill me?

PRUE AT THIS MOMENT HAD A BIG AXE RAISED ABOVE PAIGE'S HEAD.

PRUE: Hell no.

PAIGE: And did Phoebe give up when she couldn't find any shops that stocked pink things that she didn't already own?

PHOEBE, DRESSED IN A WOOLLY PINK SKIRT, SOCKS, HAT, SHOES, BRA, PANTIES, SWEATER, HAIR CLIPS AND SCRUNCHIES, RINGS, BRACELETS SHAKES HER HEAD.

PHOEBE: No!

PAIGE: You're right - she made her own things, like that beautiful nose clip accessory type thing that hangs from her nose! And did Piper give up when she...

PIPER STARES AT HER EXPECTANTLY.

PAIGE: She, uh, thought she'd... stared at every crack in the wall?

PIPER: Nope, I did them all again and then made some of my own!

PAIGE: Did the Charmeded Ones give up when that p'idium demon Steph attacked?

PRUE, PIPER AND PHOEBE (P3): No!

PAIGE: Did the Charmeded Ones give up when Buffy and Co tied you all to chairs and looked at you?

P3: No!

PAIGE: Did the Charmeded Ones give up when Prue died?

PIPER: Yes.

PHOEBE: A little.

PRUE: Until they replaced me. B*stards.

PAIGE: Okay... Did the Charmeded Ones give up when they all started singing and dancing for no apparent reason?

P3: No!

PAIGE: Will the Charmeded Ones give up when some dumb demon comes and tries to send Prue to hell?

P3: No!

PAIGE: Well let's do it then!

ALL CROWD AROUND THE PAPER AND BEGIN CHANTING.

ALL: Demon of evilness be vanquished! Demon of evilness be vanquished! Demon of evilness be vanquished! Demon of evilness be vanquished! Demon of evilness be vanquished! 

DEMON: No... no... NOOOOOOOOOO!

A BILLOWING WIND SWEEPS AROUND THE ROOM AS THE DEMON GOES ON FIRE AND BEGINS TO SPIN AROUND.

ALL: Demon of evilness be vanquished! Demon of evilness be vanquished! 

THE DEMON DISAPPEARS.

ALL: Woo!

VICTORY SONG? BY THE WAY - DON'T TRY TO MAKE SENSE OF THE RHYME SCHEME IN THE FIRST COUPLE OF LINES OF THE SONG - THERE ISN'T ONE!

PHOEBE: We did it, the family Charmeded

             How could we not fail?

             It's easy when you've got a little trust...

PRUE:    Hand in hand,

             Except not physical touching

             Cos who would really want to touch Paige?

PIPER:   It's time for celebration  *clap clap*

             We came, we fought, and won!  *clap clap*

PAIGE:   When some of us felt a little lost, like they couldn't go on

             The others stepped in and encouraged them all day long

             Now we can sing this song...

WOO-O-RAMA! KEY CHANGE SO NOW WE CAN HEAR ALYSSA MILANO'S SQUEAKY VOICE'S TRUE POTENTIAL!

ALL:      It's about working together  *clap clap*

             Even though there's been stormy weather  *clap clap*

             Who thought we would make it all right?  

PIPER:   It's about being your best friend  *clap clap*

PAIGE:   It's about hoping it won't end  *clap clap*

PRUE:    In tears, but we made it all right!

PHOEBE: I knew that in times I was weak

             My breathless cheeks were all pink - so to speak!

PIPER:   But you struggled through

ALL:      All thanks to the great god Astral Prue...

ASTRAL PRUE APPEARS.

ASTRAL: Thankee!

ASTRAL PRUE DISAPPEARS.

ALL:    It's a time for celebration  *clap clap*

            We came, we fought, we won  *clap clap*

            It's all about how love prevails  *clap clap*

            Just like a fairy tale  *clap clap*

            It's about sitting back and having fun!

BIG FANFARE! WOO! WHAT AN ENERGISING AND OPTIMISTIC SONG! *coughs*

So who's noticed that in pretty much every story whenever they do a spell, it's the same old "Demon of evilness be vanquished" spell? Funny that...

Hope you enjoyed the clapping!!! Lol seriously, if you could only hear this song... it really is so energetic and stuff... wow, to be me...


	14. A Tearful Goodbye/Comparing Part X

A/N: *Man I love them A/Ns* This was written before Paige's house conveniently got trashed and she moved in with the Charmeded Ones. Wait a minute... this isn't anything to do with Charmed in the slightest... so in Charmeded, she doesn't live with them, k? Losers.

A/N: My lastest reviewer, Jenni, I don't know who you are but you rule! When I saw you'd used 'WPH' I was oh-so-proud (and people say I don't make an inflooence). X-Moonchik, you sttopid Scotlum, I want to know this Jenni person!

A/N: Bless AP for this chapter, for I have sinned and given Paige one hell of a solo.

CHARMEDED: THE MUSICAL

SCENE FOURTEEN: A TEARFUL GOODBYE/ COMPARING PART X.

INT. MANOR - NIGHT. LIVING ROOM. CONTINUOUS.

PRUE: And now it's time for me to go.

PIPER: What? Prue... but... but...

PRUE: Piper, you'll do fine without me. And you know it.

PHOEBE: But Prue... you don't know what it's like with that idium as the older sister.

PRUE: Ha, idium. I see you're using big words now, Phoebe. That's Piper's influence.

PHOEBE: In-floo-ence?

PRUE TURNS TO PAIGE.

PRUE: Well, take care.

PAIGE: Thank you. I will.

PRUE: I'm sure you'll be a great Charmeded One. 

PAIGE: I can only hope, I guess.

PRUE: Believe me. And I'll be watching.

PAIGE SMILES. PRUE TURNS TO FACE EVERYONE.

PRUE: Well, I guess this is it!

PIPER AND PHOEBE GIVE HER A HUG.

PIPER: We'll miss you.

PRUE: I know. At least we got to say goodbye properly this time.

PHOEBE: I love you, Prue.

PIPER: Me too.

PRUE: Hey - don't forget, I'll always be here, just maybe not as visible as you'd like, huh?

THEY LET GO. PIPER AND PHOEBE ARE CRYING. PAIGE IS TRYING NOT TO. COLE AND LEO ARE GIVING EACH OTHER VERY SUGGESTIVE LOOKS.

PRUE: Which means, Leo and Cole, I see everything you get up to. Everything.

THEY LOOK SHOCKED AND FRIGHTENED. PRUE TAKES THEM ASIDE.

PRUE: Don't worry - your secret's safe with me.

PRUE BEGINS TO SING.

PRUE:  Now my time is up, wasn't this just totally swell?

            And with a song and dance, I prevent myself from getting shunted to hell!

            And seeing all my sisters and my brother and stuff

            I even got to see my old friend Buff

BUFFY STICKS HER HEAD IN.

BUFFY: Buff-y! It has a 'y' on the end!

PRUE: Get out!

BUFFY LEAVES.

PRUE:  Anyhoo after that dumb interruption

            I see you've all fallen victim to corruption

            But I'm too tired to even care

            As Leo knows, it's just too good 'up there'

PRUE BEGINS TO GLOW.   

PRUE:  So now I must go, but you should remember

            I'll always be watching you - especially in December

            So y'all better get me a Christmas gift

            Or I'll return and smash your... throat... ift...

PHOEBE: Nice rhyme.

PRUE:                            I'll break your spine!

THEY STOP SINGING.

PRUE: Well, since I'm all glowing and stuff, I better bugger off.

PAIGE STEPS FORWARD.

PAIGE: Was great seeing you.

PRUE: You too.

SHE TURNS TO EVERYONE.

PRUE: Well, bye. I love you.

ALL THE DOODS SMILE AT HER TEARFULLY. PRUE ORBS OUT.

PRUE(OS): Ha! Can't believe I told Paige it was nice to see her!

PAUSE.

PAIGE: Wow. That was...

PIPER: Amazing.

PHOEBE: Leo? Do you think she'll ever come back?

LEO: Depends if you get to be a better singer.

ALL LAUGH.

COLE: Well, if that was our visit from a ghost, we've had it!

PAIGE: How come I have this sudden empty feeling?

THE THREE CHARMEDED ONES HUG.

PIPER: I guess you're not so bad, Paige.

LEO: Yeah, you and Prue do have pretty much the same powers.

PIPER: They do, huh. You two are more alike than I thought.

THIS SENTENCE AFFECTS PAIGE IN A BAD WAY.

PAIGE: Thanks, you guys. Well, I gotta go home. Night.

PIPER: Paige-

PAIGE LEAVES. 

PHOEBE: What's with her?

PIPER: Oh no. It's cos I was comparing her to Prue again, huh?

BEAT.

PHOEBE: I'll bring her back.

PHOEBE EXITS.

CUT TO:

EXT. MANOR - NIGHT. PAIGE EXITS THE HOUSE AND WALKS UP THE STREET. SHE BEGINS TO SING.

PAIGE: Now she's gone I feel the magic leaving me

            This night is coming to an end

            Still I'm somewhat un-easy

            The values I still must defend.

            My skin feels tight tonight

            Somehow I feel we haven't won the fight

SHE CROSSES THE ROAD.

PAIGE: Once again I'm alone wandering

            While they're safe and warm inside

            Rejection swamps my heart and how it stings

            Not in one of them can I confide

            So I'll walk still strong

            Hoping not for long

SHE BEGINS TO DO BIG SWOOSHY DANCING.

PAIGE: One day, they will cherish me

            And clutch me to their hearts

            I complete the Power of Three

            This is how it starts

            It's just begun

            Oh it's just begun.

SHE BEGINS TO WALK AGAIN.

PAIGE: We're moving so slowly

            I've known for a little while

            Do they even know me?

            I still have to glue on this smile

            But yet I'll sit tight

            It'll be alright

THE RETURN OF THE SWOOSHY DANCING IS IMMINENT!

PAIGE: One day, they will need me

            And never let me go

            I mean so much, they'll see

            Through highs and through lows

            It's just begun

            Oh it's just begun                                                                                  

PHOEBE RUNS UP BEHIND HER.

PHOEBE: Paige?

PAIGE: Phoebe!

BUT PAIGE CAN'T STOP THE SONG TIL IT'S FINITO'ED!

PAIGE: And when they come and tell me that they want me

            I can never quite bring myself to believe

            Are they being truthful or can't I just see

            I'm only needed to complete the Power of Three

            But I'll hold on

            I'll stay oh-so strong

PHOEBE IS 'ASTONISHED' (IE - SHE'S NOT REALLY BUT PRETENDS SHE IS) PAIGE FEELS THIS WAY. PAIGE BEGINS DIRECTING HER SONG TO PHOEBE.

PAIGE: I don't just wanna be a replacement

            I don't wanna spend my life being compared

            Why can't you see - I'm no one else but me.

            And all this time I've been so scared.

PHOEBE: We try our hardest to see your difference

            But understand we can't always see

            How you really blossomed, and

            We'll never forget you're reality

PHOEBE TAKES PAIGE AND BEGINS LEADING HER BACK TO THE MANOR.

PHOEBE: Midnight walks are all very well

             But when you've got a place to be

             At home your fears we can quell

             You belong with us you'll see

             That visit from Prue

             Told us what we gotta do                                                                                 

BOTH:   One day, we'll need to be together

             Never break apart

             It means so much that we will never weather

             Sisters from the start

             It's just begun

             Oh it's just begun

PAIGE:  One day, they will need me

             And never let me go

             I mean so much, they'll see

             Through highs and through lows

             It's just begun

             Oh it's just begun                                                                                             

BOTH:    It's just be-gunnnnnnnnn.

THEY WALK BACK TO THE MANOR, BUT PAIGE STOPS OUTSIDE.

PHOEBE: Come on, Paige.

PAIGE: Phoebe, I think you guys need to be alone tonight. Just, you know, you guys.

PHOEBE: Can't you see? You ARE one of us.

PAIGE: All the same. I'll just head home. Tell everyone I'm fine.

PHOEBE: Is there anything I can say to make you change your mind?

PAIGE: Night, Phoebe.

PAIGE WALKS AWAY. PHOEBE HEAVES A SIGH OF RELIEF AND MOPS THE LITRES OF SWEAT FROM HER BROW.

PHOEBE: Phew! That was a close one!

SHE SWIMS UP TO THE MANOR IN HER GIRL GLISTENING JUICE. EWW.

Well guys, one more scene and BAM! That's the end of our baby musical. You're gonna miss it, you know you are. Hmm… wonder if I can get a review epidemic from you guys… *dreams of 150 reviews**drools*


	15. We Are All So Charmeded

A/N: Well kids, this is it. The final scene of the musical. I hope you liked reading this as much as I lubbed writing it. Charmeded Series Four coming soon... and le petit secret weapon!

A/N: Whoever asked if there's gonna be a second musical. Hell no! Unless… well… let's put a maybe sign on it. Cos I lubbed writing this. 

CHARMEDED: THE MUSICAL

SCENE FIFTEEN: WE ARE CHARMED...ED

INT. PAIGE'S OFFICE. PAIGE IS AT WORK, SITTING AT HER COMPUTER. HER BOSS COMES OVER.

BOSS: Paige, you done yet? I need that report.

PAIGE: Oh, um, it's in printing.

BOSS: Printing? You're always in printing! When do I get this stuff in my hand?

HE WALKS AWAY. PAIGE SIGHS. THEN BEGINS TO SING.

PAIGE:  I'm sleepwalking through this day

            How many ways can I say

            I'm not sure if I'm ready for this life

            Every day I fight so long

            I don't know if I'm that strong

            Or I'm who they're looking for.

SHE GETS UP AND BEGINS TO LEAVE HER OFFICE.

BOSS: Paige! Where're you going?

PAIGE: Uh... I feel sick.

BOSS: Paige!

PAIGE: Sucker…

SHE EXITS. 

CUT TO:

EXT. PAIGE'S WORK. PAIGE IS WALKING TOWARDS HER CRAPPY LITTLE VOLKSWAGEN BEETLE IN MINGY MINT GREEN COLOUR CAR (I HATE THAT THING! THERE IS ONE EXACTLY THE SAME (SAME COLOUR AND ALL) ON MY STREET! ANYWAY, BACK TO THIS...). SHE SINGS AGAIN.

PAIGE:  Times like this when I don't know

            Should I stay or should I go

            I don't know, so I'll put my foot down and see

SHE GETS INTO HER CAR.

I don't know if I have the drive

SHE DRIVES AWAY *DRUM ROLL*.

To try to stay alive

            I can't be sure if they even want the real me.

SHE TAKES A DEEP BREATH FOR WHAT WE CALL THE BIG MENTAL CHORUS.

So give me something to prove, a sign

            Or is this a false alarm

            Is this duty really mine?

            Am I really Charmed...ed?

CUT TO:

INT. MANOR. PHOEBE IS POTTERING ABOUT IN THE KITCHEN. SHE CONTINUES THE SAME SONG.

PHOEBE: Life's a farce, some would say a curse

             Some would say much worse

             Well then they haven't lived.

COLE SHIMMERS IN.

PHOEBE: We'll stay strong, we can't go very wrong

COLE:   I'll join in on this song

BOTH:    Each other is our gift.

STOP SINGING.

PHOEBE: P3?

COLE: I'll take you.

COLE HOLDS ONTO PHOEBE AND THEY SHIMMER OUT.

CUT TO:

INT. P3. PIPER IS IS STRESSING.

PIPER: Okay, okay, order more booze, more snacks, more everything! Reel Big Fish aren't just any... fish. Ooh! Let's order some really big fish - have a theme night!

DOODGUY: Uh Piper - maybe overdoing it?

PAUSE. 

PIPER: *sigh* You're right Doodguy.

PIPER BEGINS TO SING.

PIPER:  All I want to do is get this right

            Over here - we need some light!

SHE INDICATES WITH HER STOOPID HANDS AND ENDS UP DANCING.

            It has to be perfect, I'm not allowed to fail

            It's been a while since I've felt safe inside

            Now I want to hide

            Like a slimy little snail

            I need to know if this is right

            My feelings are so harmed

            Should we go on fighting this fight

            Are we all still Charmed...ed?

PAIGE ENTERS. PHOEBE AND COLE SHIMMER IN. LEO ORBS IN. ALL JOIN HANDS FOR THE GRAND FINALE.

PAIGE: Piper?

PHOEBE: Paige!

PIPER: Freebie!

COLE: Leo!

LEO: Baby! I mean, Cole!

ALL:    So we'll stay together...

            There's nothing we can't face

            And we'll link arms

            We're beautiful with a passion and grace

            We are all so Charrrrrrmmmmmmmmmeeeeeeeddddddddd...

PAUSE.

ALL:      ... ed!!!

LEO ORBS OUT, CREATING LITTLE EXPLOSIONS OF BLUE LIGHTS - LIKE FIREWORKS. PAIGE SMASHES ALL THE LIGHTS AND LAVA LAMPS, CREATING A FANTASTIC END TO A FANTASTIC SONG. AHEM. THERE'S A LONG SILENCE.

PIPER: What happened to all the lights?

PAIGE BEGINS TO GLOW, AND TINY ORBS COME OUT OF HER HANDS, HANGING IN THE AIR AND LIGHTING THE ROOM.

PIPER: That's beautiful.

COLE: Hey, I think we're done!

PHOEBE: What do you mean, honey?

COLE: I feel like I could never bring myself to sing again.

EVERYONE NODS.

PHOEBE: I could sing some more!

COLE SLAPS PHOEBE.

KT(OS): No more songs! I have enough on my plate with what you've done already!

PAUSE.

PAIGE: Anyway... Prue's spell must've worn off.

LEO: What a consequence, huh? Going to hell. 

ALL LOOK AT THE CEILING.

PIPER: (whispered) Goodbye, Prue.

ALL MUTTER GOODBYE. A WIND SWOOSHES THROUGH THE ROOM, AND ALL THE CANDLES LIGHT UP. ALL SMILE.

PHOEBE: Let's go home.

ALL BEGIN TO EXIT EXCEPT PAIGE. PHOEBE AND PIPER COME BACK.

PIPER: Paige, get your butt in the car.

PHOEBE: You're coming home.

THEY EXIT, ARMS AROUND EACH OTHER. PRUE ORBS IN, WATCHING THEM. SHE IS SMILING.

THE END.

The longest A/N ever:

LOL!!! How cheesy am I???

Anyhoo. Now that the battle's done with the three new Charmeded Ones, I'm battling my own conscience... to Prue or not to Prue? Actually, if you must know I've made a new decision for the new series of Charmeded and Prue lubbers will be astonished to find that it is… PRUE FREE! NOOOOOOOOO!

Getting over that…

Since we're all in foolishly incomprehensible tearfully good moods (god I'm modest) after that grand finale, I wanna say a huge thank you to everyone who's ever reviewed me ever. Your support means hella, and helps me believe that I am funny, even if no one else thinks it... 

Its been Paigeriffic, guys! (what a disgusting but infectious word! How do I come up with a phrase that uses the word Paige and means good? Expect a lot of it in the new series!! As well as possibly more "what's brown and sticky?" jokes, I think we all enjoy them)

Cheers, keep on Charmededing!

Lubb KT "battling demons of her own... or is she?"

Thanks to:

Olly my twim, Steph my queem, Mari my kid, Klah my sayer of the word "Piper", Dave my best reviewer, Meagan my crazy australium friend, Iz the weird guy(if he gets his ass online) and all my reviewers!


End file.
